He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
