You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
