I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
