Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
