so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
