i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
