Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
