dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
