if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
