Don't make out with my wife yet
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
3 2 1 whiskey
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
