you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
