alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Congratulations! We have a period
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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