Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
