If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
