At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
