How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
the day after is always just damage control
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
