Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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