And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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