did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
