WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
