Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
