"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
