yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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