why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
