literally had 100 drinks last night.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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