WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
