just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
