Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
