I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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