We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
