Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
