so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
