...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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