The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
