party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
