My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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