yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
