I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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