Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
