Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
