I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
