Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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