so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
