she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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