U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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