dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Randomize
