He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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