id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
