my room smells like sperm. sweet.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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