The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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